A FUNNY STORY

I've been a non-blogger lately.

Idea-less.

Lazy.

It's January.

I have a new vacuum cleaner.

But all of a sudden I have these very random things popping into my head.

So here we go, with the first of several totally random writings...

My dear friend, and top-notch-English-teacher-book-editor, B, is totally responsible for my literary intelligence.  And probably the fact that I can call it "literary intelligence".   I've always loved to read, and have always done the no-no by dog-earring pages that I liked.  I'd go back and re-read all those dog-earred pages many times, but always feeling like I'd violated the book (old librarian philosophy!).  Over the past ten or eleven years, B has helped me be more appreciative of the books I read.  And also let me know that it's ok to dog-ear pages, and highlight passages, and write in the margins!  That means you love the book.

This little short story is from the book, Bird by Bird, by the brilliant Anne Lamott.  Friend, B, had me read this part of the book a few years ago.
It continually makes me laugh out loud EVERY single time I read it.  And I try to read it when I need a good laugh.

***
My son, Sam, at three and a half, had these keys to a set of plastic handcuffs, and one morning he intentionally locked himself out of the house.  I was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper when I heard him stick his plastic keys into the doorknob and try to open the door.  Then I heard him say, "Oh, shit."  My whole face widened, like the guy in Edvard Munch's Scream.  After a moment I got up and opened the front door.


"Honey," I said, "what'd you just say?"


"I said, 'Oh, shit,' " he said.


"But, honey, that's a naughty word.  Both of us have absolutely got to stop using it.  Okay?"


He hung his head for a moment, nodded, and said, "Okay, Mom."  Then he leaned forward and said confidentially, "But I'll tell you why I said 'shit' "  I said Okay, and he said, "Because of the fucking keys!"
***


I just love this story.  I hope it makes you laugh, too.

Stay tuned for more random stuff...

THE LATEST NEWS

Today my horoscope said, "Today you might have to do a lot of communication with friends".

So, I had nothing really to say here right now, but I'm going to say something anyway.

Here are some of today's headlines in the news...

-  The Kardashian woman  -  where did these women come from?????  And why do we care about them?  Or what they do?

-  Octomom - was interviewed on Oprah today, and admitted that she was "a baby addict".

-  Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin.  She's still talking. Shut-up!

-  Kelsey Grammer - still getting divorced.  Again, why do we care?

-  Charlie Sheen - who cares about him either?  Pathetic.

-  Kanye West - said something stupid today.

-  Snooki!  Seriously?  Sad, sad, sad, that we want to see this woman on TV.  What a role model.

-  Martha Stewart cut her lip - required 9 stitches.  Ouch.  She tripped over her dog.

-  Brad & Angelina kissed in public.  I think they conceived 9 more kids.

-  And, I think there was other more serious stuff going on, too.

Shocking.

WHAT PETS DO FOR US

I know I talk about my cats a lot here.  They are a huge part of our life.

Luci ...
Basically, the red-headed-step-child - the beautiful, adopted-from-Illinois, crack-baby.  HUSBAND and I love her so much.  Well, I love her, HUSBAND tolerates her.  And HUSBAND knows that her place in the household is important.  I'm sure he does.  She gets the bugs.  Or at least she lets us know where the bugs are,  brings the bugs to us, shows the bugs to us, wherever we are.

I think this picture is just Luci saying, "Yeah, well, so what!".

She hasn't found her compassionate side yet.  She's just 2 1/2.  But then again, she's pretty cuddly and sweet about 3:30 in the morning, on my pillow, with her ass as close as she can get it to my nose and mouth.  LOVE her then!

Luci has a mind of her own, which I appreciate.  She and HUSBAND are having a tiff right now, however.  Luci spilled his water last night, all over his phone, and the remote control, and other things, and the REMOTE CONTROL.  Luci is into her 5th or 6th of her 9 lives.

But then there's Pancho, our 11 year old, 17 pound (ok, actually now 19 pounds - he's beefed up - we can hear him walking across the house!), orange tabby.
Oh my gosh!

Sweet Pancho has started sleeping by HUSBAND - on the ottoman next to the recliner where HUSBAND sleeps.

And Pancho also waits for HUSBAND outside the bathroom.

(Somebody should have washed Pancho's little face today, as he has allergies.  Somebody forgot.)  Pancho is so understanding and tolerant.  Oh, what a love.

Pancho, also, knows to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY, when HUSBAND comes out of the bathroom - not wanting to be in the way.   And he knows that's the way HUSBAND prefers it.  Again, so understanding.

The whole point of this blog is to say that our pets do so much for our lives, don't they?!

I think they kind of put the period at the end of the day.

I love my cats.

I love HUSBAND too.  Most times more than my cats, sometimes not!  :-)
But, he's always tolerated my cats.

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL LAUGH!!

I haven't posted anything in a bit.  I'm been pretty busy with family things.  Haven't we all!!

And I think I might have "early-new-year, post-holiday, my-sheets-feel-nice, I-hate-the-alarm-clock, I-hate January-&-February, the-litterbox-still-needs-cleaning, the-dishwasher-is-still-full-of-Christmas-dinner-dishes" WRITER'S BLOCK.

But here are two things that I thought might make you laugh...

#1 - This is one of the nominees for "Funniest Short Joke of the Year" -

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?" 
"Not yet," she replied.


#2 - True story: I ordered these "call bells" to put in all our rooms so HUSBAND can get my attention if he needed help.  I tried to find the funniest ones I could find on the internet - we need humor.  I thought these were funny to have at home.

Well, I walked into the living room tonight and was trying to tell HUSBAND something that he needed to know, and he needed to listen to me, but he and DAUGHTER were apparently watching a movie.  Whatever.
So he DINGS the bell at me!  Three times.  To stop talking.  To shut-up.  DAUGHTER laughed.
So I said, "THAT is NOT what those bells are for big guy, and good luck trying to shut me up".
But I did leave the room and leave them alone.  Whatever, it wasn't that important, anyway.




xoxoxo