LESSONS - PART 1

I've had some hard times over the past two years.  I'm getting my "new" life figured out slowly.  It's hard, but, thanks to supportive friends, I'm moving forward little by little.

HUSBAND is no longer with me. I still have some stories to share though.

Other than "fucking Sprint", or "fucking Time Warner", he never had too many negative things to say (until recent years!!).  He was the better half of me most times.  He saw it differently of course, but...  that's why we were together for so long.

This picture was from the summer after my sophomore & his junior year in high school.  We were at Six Flags in Arlington.  Oh my gosh, we loved each other.

I miss him.  Good times, bad times, ups, downs...  All of it.  I miss him.

I've learned some important, sad, and wonderful things in the past two years, however.

It's amazing what good things bad things do for you!!  (I know that's a weird sentence but I like it.)

I've  learned...

-  There is never anything more important than relationships.  Good or bad, they control your life.
-  FRIENDS are the best thing you will ever have.  Ever.
-  A sense of humor is the other most important thing.  Keep it.  Always.  Laugh at everything you can.
-  Keep gas in your car.
-  Keep a house key hidden somewhere.
-  TV is not bad for you.
-  The worse thing you ever imagined CAN happen to you when you're not looking.
-  When you think you can't go on, you can.
-  Oprah doesn't know everything.
-  Surplus money is important.
-  Things that bloom in bright colors make you smile.
-  Walking is better than therapy.
-  Stay off Facebook.
-  The litter box needs to be cleaned every single day.
-  Dishes in the sink start to smell even if they've been rinsed.
-  Nothing grows without nourishment and tlc.
-  Google rocks.
-  Flashlights!
-  Doctors are insensitive and make too much money.
-  Sitting in the sunshine is so great.
-  Enchiladas (not chicken soup) cure almost everything.
-  Pets can keep your life going and give you a reason to get out of bed.
-  Keep extra lightbulbs and know where they are.
-  Keep extra batteries and know where they are.
-  You don't always have to answer the phone when it rings.
-  Cry.
-  Laugh.

I have more of these and I'll be sending them your way.  Right now I need to spray my new Lavender / Vanilla Pillow Mist (a gift from someone I love, and now I'm addicted!) on my sheets and go to bed.

xoxoxoxo

BACKGROUND

I need to change this brown flower thing.  It's been there a while.  Sorry.

I'll be working on it.

SOMEPLACE ELSE

I want to live here...

I don't know where this is.  And the rest of the house might be a "double-wide".  You know, one of those attachment things - a work in progress.  I don't care.

I think one could really get their shit together in a place like this.

So this is where I want to live right now.

But just for a couple of weeks.

Then I'd have to have a diet coke from 7-11.  And some cheese enchiladas.

I working on getting back to my life.

SUNSET

I haven't written anything in a while.  Here's why...

HUSBAND passed away on Sun., Feb. 27, 2011, after a courageous, 18-month-long fight with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease.

I'm trying to get my sense of humor back, as he would have wanted.

I'll write soon.  Even with the horrible, final 39 hours in ER and ICU, there are still some stories!!!

Get some rest finally, HUSBAND, and enjoy never-ending Longhorn games.

I miss you.

AGING GRACEFULLY

This is another one of those totally random things, but since the things "on my plate" are pretty serious right now, I thought I'd pass this along.  It made me laugh out loud, and I haven't done that in three days.

I forced myself to leave my house today and go to the grocery store.  I was in a horrible, wretched mood, mad at everybody in the world (except about twelve).

I was stopped at a red light, thinking about all the things that had put me in the horrible mood.  A car comes blaring up next to me and stops very abruptly for the red light.  The cars windows were down, and NASTY Rap music was thundering from the stereo.  It disrupted the horrible shit that was already going through my head!!

I did a major eye-roll and jerked my head sideways to look at the car.  I was in the mood to risk road rage.  Who I EXPECTED to see was a young, thinks-he's-too-cool, punk.  And I was ready to give him my you're-an-asshole stare.

Who I saw driving the new, metallic blue, Mustang, with embellished stripes, AND a convertible roof, was...............

Are you ready for this?

A SEVENTY year old WHITE guy with grey hair and neck wrinkles!!!!!

So I laughed out loud!  He looked over at me and I just gave him a big smile.

And it lifted my horrible mood for a short time. 

Until I got to the grocery store.

You just never know about things or people.

YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

Today was bitterly cold in Austin, and will be that way for a few days to come.  Our 1950's house is a bit drafty.

Cats are cold when it's 90 outside.  So when it's 30 all day, and the wind is blowing like hell, well!

Luci knows she's never allowed on the table.  Even when there are chicken bits there from dinner and the table-cleaner person failed to clean the table.  Never on the table!!


This is my fruit basket.  It's been empty for a while, however, but .....

I guess it's not the fruit basket any longer.  And I DID really fuss at her for being on the table.

BUT, I moved the basket into the bedroom.  She never budged.

Who has time to eat fruit anyway?

A FUNNY STORY

I've been a non-blogger lately.

Idea-less.

Lazy.

It's January.

I have a new vacuum cleaner.

But all of a sudden I have these very random things popping into my head.

So here we go, with the first of several totally random writings...

My dear friend, and top-notch-English-teacher-book-editor, B, is totally responsible for my literary intelligence.  And probably the fact that I can call it "literary intelligence".   I've always loved to read, and have always done the no-no by dog-earring pages that I liked.  I'd go back and re-read all those dog-earred pages many times, but always feeling like I'd violated the book (old librarian philosophy!).  Over the past ten or eleven years, B has helped me be more appreciative of the books I read.  And also let me know that it's ok to dog-ear pages, and highlight passages, and write in the margins!  That means you love the book.

This little short story is from the book, Bird by Bird, by the brilliant Anne Lamott.  Friend, B, had me read this part of the book a few years ago.
It continually makes me laugh out loud EVERY single time I read it.  And I try to read it when I need a good laugh.

***
My son, Sam, at three and a half, had these keys to a set of plastic handcuffs, and one morning he intentionally locked himself out of the house.  I was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper when I heard him stick his plastic keys into the doorknob and try to open the door.  Then I heard him say, "Oh, shit."  My whole face widened, like the guy in Edvard Munch's Scream.  After a moment I got up and opened the front door.


"Honey," I said, "what'd you just say?"


"I said, 'Oh, shit,' " he said.


"But, honey, that's a naughty word.  Both of us have absolutely got to stop using it.  Okay?"


He hung his head for a moment, nodded, and said, "Okay, Mom."  Then he leaned forward and said confidentially, "But I'll tell you why I said 'shit' "  I said Okay, and he said, "Because of the fucking keys!"
***


I just love this story.  I hope it makes you laugh, too.

Stay tuned for more random stuff...

THE LATEST NEWS

Today my horoscope said, "Today you might have to do a lot of communication with friends".

So, I had nothing really to say here right now, but I'm going to say something anyway.

Here are some of today's headlines in the news...

-  The Kardashian woman  -  where did these women come from?????  And why do we care about them?  Or what they do?

-  Octomom - was interviewed on Oprah today, and admitted that she was "a baby addict".

-  Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin.  She's still talking. Shut-up!

-  Kelsey Grammer - still getting divorced.  Again, why do we care?

-  Charlie Sheen - who cares about him either?  Pathetic.

-  Kanye West - said something stupid today.

-  Snooki!  Seriously?  Sad, sad, sad, that we want to see this woman on TV.  What a role model.

-  Martha Stewart cut her lip - required 9 stitches.  Ouch.  She tripped over her dog.

-  Brad & Angelina kissed in public.  I think they conceived 9 more kids.

-  And, I think there was other more serious stuff going on, too.

Shocking.

WHAT PETS DO FOR US

I know I talk about my cats a lot here.  They are a huge part of our life.

Luci ...
Basically, the red-headed-step-child - the beautiful, adopted-from-Illinois, crack-baby.  HUSBAND and I love her so much.  Well, I love her, HUSBAND tolerates her.  And HUSBAND knows that her place in the household is important.  I'm sure he does.  She gets the bugs.  Or at least she lets us know where the bugs are,  brings the bugs to us, shows the bugs to us, wherever we are.

I think this picture is just Luci saying, "Yeah, well, so what!".

She hasn't found her compassionate side yet.  She's just 2 1/2.  But then again, she's pretty cuddly and sweet about 3:30 in the morning, on my pillow, with her ass as close as she can get it to my nose and mouth.  LOVE her then!

Luci has a mind of her own, which I appreciate.  She and HUSBAND are having a tiff right now, however.  Luci spilled his water last night, all over his phone, and the remote control, and other things, and the REMOTE CONTROL.  Luci is into her 5th or 6th of her 9 lives.

But then there's Pancho, our 11 year old, 17 pound (ok, actually now 19 pounds - he's beefed up - we can hear him walking across the house!), orange tabby.
Oh my gosh!

Sweet Pancho has started sleeping by HUSBAND - on the ottoman next to the recliner where HUSBAND sleeps.

And Pancho also waits for HUSBAND outside the bathroom.

(Somebody should have washed Pancho's little face today, as he has allergies.  Somebody forgot.)  Pancho is so understanding and tolerant.  Oh, what a love.

Pancho, also, knows to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY, when HUSBAND comes out of the bathroom - not wanting to be in the way.   And he knows that's the way HUSBAND prefers it.  Again, so understanding.

The whole point of this blog is to say that our pets do so much for our lives, don't they?!

I think they kind of put the period at the end of the day.

I love my cats.

I love HUSBAND too.  Most times more than my cats, sometimes not!  :-)
But, he's always tolerated my cats.

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL LAUGH!!

I haven't posted anything in a bit.  I'm been pretty busy with family things.  Haven't we all!!

And I think I might have "early-new-year, post-holiday, my-sheets-feel-nice, I-hate-the-alarm-clock, I-hate January-&-February, the-litterbox-still-needs-cleaning, the-dishwasher-is-still-full-of-Christmas-dinner-dishes" WRITER'S BLOCK.

But here are two things that I thought might make you laugh...

#1 - This is one of the nominees for "Funniest Short Joke of the Year" -

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?" 
"Not yet," she replied.


#2 - True story: I ordered these "call bells" to put in all our rooms so HUSBAND can get my attention if he needed help.  I tried to find the funniest ones I could find on the internet - we need humor.  I thought these were funny to have at home.

Well, I walked into the living room tonight and was trying to tell HUSBAND something that he needed to know, and he needed to listen to me, but he and DAUGHTER were apparently watching a movie.  Whatever.
So he DINGS the bell at me!  Three times.  To stop talking.  To shut-up.  DAUGHTER laughed.
So I said, "THAT is NOT what those bells are for big guy, and good luck trying to shut me up".
But I did leave the room and leave them alone.  Whatever, it wasn't that important, anyway.




xoxoxo

WALMART EXPERIENCE #3

I'll start by saying that I've avoiding posting anything attempting to be funny here for the past week.  There have been some very hard life issues that several of my friends have had to go through recently.  Too many in the past few weeks, actually, one as recently as Christmas Eve.  Peace to those of you I'm referring to.
MY family is small, so I think of my friends as my family also.

But... I decided that I know first hand that we have to keep laughing.  So...

Last week, three days BEFORE Christmas, I went to Walmart to make a return.  I had bought SON a hoodie during WALMART EXPERIENCE #2, but paid attention to the hanger, which said "L".  The actual size was "XXL", which I didn't notice until the next day.  I should have known that, at Walmart, the hanger size and the actual size are, most likely, never the same.

MY fault.  Walmart should advertise that customers should never expect too much from them.  Because they are Walmart.  And I kept telling myself that for $20 I could just roll down my car window and give the hoodie to any one of the 1.2 million homeless people who are here on every street corner.  And I wouldn't have to endure Walmart one more time.  But I didn't do that.

I went back to return the hoodie, three days before Christmas, thinking that NOBODY would be returning things BEFORE Christmas.  I was #17 in line.
And there were only two "customer service representatives" behind the counter.

I waited patiently. Patiently.  PATIENTLY.  For 31 minutes.

Here's what the woman in front of me was returning........

FRITOS.  TWO PACKAGES.  $2. 49.  She waited in line for at least 30 minutes to return two packages of Fritos.  She was all giggly, and kept turning around to the rest of us in line, thinking we were getting her humor.  Apparently she had had a party and these were the leftovers.  The "customer service representative" had to call for help.  He wasn't sure if Walmart could take back "consumables".  Turns out, they can.

When I finally got to the counter, I gave the gentleman my hoodie.  I tried to explain that the store had been negligent in putting the proper garment on the proper hanger. I wanted him to be aware of this, and maybe explain to management how they could improve their customer's experience.  He took it, said ok, grabbed my receipt, gave me my money!

When I left, the birds were beginning to arrive.  A definite sign I had been there too long.  I got in my car quickly, happy that I had survived returns at Walmart.

Traffic was horrible getting out of the parking lot, and then onto the street where I needed to be.  I waited in line, once again.

Here is the truck I was behind.......

Notice the trailer hitch on the truck.......

Yep.  Scrotum, two balls.  Silver.  Shiny.  Swinging away on the back of the truck.

Here's a bad close-up from my phone.....

I wanted, so badly, to follow the guy home to see what he looked like.  What the man looks like who would put this (these) on the back of his vehicle.  HUSBAND said that they are pretty common, come in colors, and that most of the men driving the trucks are usually short and ugly.  I still didn't get it.

It did, however, give me a lot to think about on my way home.  I decided that the woman who returned the Fritos was probably in the passenger seat.

I am never bored.

DECKING THE HALLS...

I've avoided decking them.  I've put it off, and off, and off.  But I decided to get serious a few nights ago, deciding on the minimalist approach.  Less is more.  Whatever.

I tried to get everyone in the spirit.  I lit some candles.  I put the dirty dishes in the sink (the dishwasher was full), I put on some laundry.

Here is the one and only new holiday decoration I purchased this year...

His name is Max the Moose, and I adopted him, for 20 bucks, from Randall's, while I was shopping for Thanksgiving groceries.  He's pretty cute, don't you think?  The fam agreed.

Luci did her best to intimidate Max (Luci is a crack-baby, remember)...

Max never moved, so Luci gave up pretty quickly, and went on to other interesting things I was pulling out.

Then she realized that there were shopping bags all over the floor.  The Pier One bag was her favorite.  She thought she was hiding.  I was hoping if I ignored her she would STAY IN THERE for a while!

Eventually, Luci exhausted herself...

Meanwhile, Pancho was helping in his usual way.  He always does what is asked of him.  He wasn't really concerned with Max the Moose, either.  He was used to my adoptions over the years... hence, Luci!

Anyway, I persevered, and achieved the minimalist holiday affect I was going for.  It's minimally festive.  Perfect.

HUSBAND got into the spirit too, asking what he could do to help (NOT!).  But I asked him if he would help me untangle some lights, and he said, "@%#&%$, sure!"  He's always loved the holiday season.

He was actually very helpful.  And he enjoyed watching my pathetic efforts, and the show I was apparently putting on.

My family loves having their pictures taken, don't they?  He DID, however, agree and approve of these pictures - just want to say that.  I told him he could show off his Longhorn Snuggie - a gift from DAUGHTER last holiday season.

So, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends!!!  Enjoy.

WALMART EXPERIENCE #2

I had so much fun at Walmart last Friday (previous post) that I went back on Tuesday.

This is what we happy, jolly Tuesday shoppers at Walmart had to face at dusk...

See those little specs on the top edge of the building?

Those were Grackles.  Black birds to some of you.  In Austin they are Grackles, and they are obnoxious, annoying, invasive, really nasty, aggressive birds.  And when they like a place, they REALLY like it.  They like Walmart a lot more than I do, apparently.

There were 700 billion of them in the Walmart parking lot.

So, all the happy, jolly shoppers who couldn't get into their cars because their cars were covered with Grackles, were pulling out their cell phones, muttering the word "Hitchcock", and taking pictures. Me included.

Getting home to start wrapping all those gifts in our baskets suddenly wasn't important.  We all had to get pictures of the birds.

And I'm sure we all drove home trying to see through the bird shit on our windshields, thinking, "Wow, that was really something.  Maybe we'll go back to Walmart tomorrow."
I'm not sure how Walmart pulled this off, but they have some good PR people.

Happy shopping!

MY WALMART EXPERIENCE

We all have Walmart stories, don't we?

I made the mistake of going to Walmart today when I really wasn't feeling very well, but I certainly didn't want to go on the weekend.  There are just occasions when a Walmart run is necessary.  Today was that day for me.

My usual experience is, that while I KNOW there are intelligent people who shop at Walmart, I just don't usually encounter any of them.

My two memorable Walmart experiences today were...

First,
I saw an adorable young man contemplating wine glasses.  He was, maybe, 25 years old, and I could see that it was important to him to buy the perfect set of wine glasses.  I made up my own, quick, little romance novel in my head.  I enjoyed watching him.  He was there for a while.  And, although I know there are stalkers at Walmart, I was not one of them.

Second,
here we go......  THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED!
I was in the Pharmacy area trying to find earplugs.  (I wear them from time to time because Pancho and Luci are very noisy at night.)  So I hear these two "guys" talking about their menopausal wives, so my ears perked up.

At that point I had been in Walmart for 1.25 hours.  1.0 hours too long.

"Lucky to be married" guy #1 was saying that his wife was going through menopause and she was cranky and always hot - he could never put the thermostat on the right temperature for her, and she was always kicking the covers off the bed at night.

"Lucky to be married" guy #2 asked how old she was.  "Lucky-to-be-married" guy #1 said 42.

"Lucky to be married" guy #2 said, well you ain't seen nothin' yet just wait 'til she's 45 then she really starts sweatin' and a whole lotta other shit.

"Lucky to be married" guy #1 said, oh really shit.  "Lucky to be married" guy #2 said, oh yeah 45 is when the real sweatin' begins.

I walked a few steps around the end of the aisle to get a look at these charming fellas.  Guess what they were buying???????  Guess!!!!

CONDOMS.  Yep.  Two guys with menopausal wives buying condoms together at Walmart on a Friday night.

They saw me starring at them and actually said, oh sorry I guess we were being a little loud.  I smiled and told them that they were just lucky I was passed 45.

Then it occurred to me that I thought it was funny that the earplugs were close to the condoms.  I actually laughed out.  And my mind went off on a whole other thing about that.

Happy shopping.

LAUNDRY

I have laundry piles.  A few piles.  Piles of laundry. Many.

And there are only two of us, now, in the household.

This is why I always have piles of laundry...

Pancho and Luci won't let me NEAR the laundry basket.

Can't do laundry without a laundry basket.

So.

SQUIRRELS

(First off, I had to look up how to spell squirrels.  I kept getting it wrong.)

I sat outside for an hour or so this afternoon.  Absorbing some vitamin D.  Enjoying the absolutely beautiful Austin fall weather.

And I wanted to watch our Chickadees.  I've been noticing the influx of Chickadees lately. Hearing their wonderful chirps, and seeing them flitting around our backyard.  I love those funny, little birds.

I took my camera out with me, thinking it would be fun to take some pictures of the cute little Chickadees.

Well, once I sat down, relaxed, got my camera ready... Nothing.  Not a Chickadee.  Not a bird.  Nothing within a hundred miles.

Sooooo, I got caught up watching two squirrels.  Yes, I did.  For close to an hour.  What can I say.

I should give my insights about squirrels to some "squirrel expert" now, because I saw some stuff.  Not unlike humans really.  Let's just say it must be squirrel mating season.  Pretty interesting.

Anyway......  here's one of them, chewing on an acorn.....

And here he/she is sharpening his/her teeth for yet another acorn, or whatever.....

Then, here he/she is, starting to realize that somebody is watching him/her, and taking his/her picture......

And, then, finally, here he/she is giving me the "Cujo"/"Exorcist" eyes.  Telling me to stop taking his/her picture, and to go to hell.

I ran inside before he/she had time to lunge at my face.

Like EVERY other member of my family, he/she didn't want his/her picture taken.  He/she just couldn't put his/her hands up in front of his/her face.

Pretty exciting afternoon.

AIRIN' IT ALL OUT

or other possible titles for this blog......

"A Good, Good Feelin'"

"Let the Light So Shine"

"What You See Is What You Get"

"Just Layin' Back"

"Huh?"

"Come and Get It"

"This Is All I Got"

"Ahhhhhhhhh"

And I could go on, and on, and on.......  And on, believe me........

But HERE was Luci for most of the night tonight......

She's still recovering from the Thanksgiving chaos (previous blog).

Aren't we all.

And, I thought, while I was watching her tonight, that don't we girls ALL just want to do this from time to time???!!!

THANKSGIVING STORIES

We had Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year, and it was such a great day!

NEPHEW did the organization and the stressing.  He was much better at both than I would have been, and he was SO much fun to cook with.  And, wow, can he organize!

NEPHEW and I now know how to use a meat thermometer (and how to spot one when it's in the drawer.  A candy thermometer isn't the same thing.)!  It's really not as easy as you think it would be.  Apparently you need to know where to put the thermometer and how long to leave it there.  The three minute rule with a rectal thermometer doesn't apply here.  We seriously put the end of the thermometer in the the boiling potato water to see if the little red line was going to move at all.  It did.  So we put it back in the turkey.

We had eight people... me, HUSBAND, SON, DAUGHTER, NEPHEW, SONSLONGTIMEGIRLFRIENDWELOVEHER, SISTERFROMANOTHERMOTHER, and DAUGHTERSGREATFRIENDN.  And enough food for 750.  Everybody got to take home food for ten.

To explain further..... we had eight people, two spoiled, anxious cats, a small house, a small kitchen, and football playing on the never-to-be-turned-off-goddamnit-TV.  HUSBAND controlled the games and the remote control.  End of that.

SON built a wonderful fire in the backyard fire pit.  We remembered to put the screen on the fire pit when the cold front came through so the fire wouldn't spark something that would burn down the neighborhood.  Of course, we all had to discuss, at length, whether or not the wind was strong enough, and should the screen be put on the fire pit, and, oh, it was so pretty without the screen.  But then we saw a blazing branch blow out of the fire pit and across the yard, so we all said yep better put the screen on the fire pit.  End of that, also.  It burned beautifully the rest of the evening.

We had a little issue with slicing the turkey.  Turns out, nobody really wanted to do that.  And everybody claimed the I've-never-done-that-before defense.  HUSBAND just sat back and smiled. So SON and NEPHEW took it on and did a great job.  I've made note, however, that we don't need a carving knife next year.  Hands work just fine.

The food was wonderful and the conversation was even better.  We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.  All day.  Here are some more highlights:

-  We had the awkward moment when SOMEONE said should we say grace? Not sure who thought they should ask that?  I think I said well ok uhh sure really? Then DAUGHTER said oh we should all just say what we're thankful for.  And we all stared at her.  Then we did that.  And it turned out just fine.  Apparently, we all loved each other, and were thankful to be with each other, and we hoped to do it again next year, and we were so thankful for all the food, and does anybody need another drink.

-  I made the mistake of saying to everyone that SON and NEPHEW had done a great job of "BONING the turkey".  I heard somebody say did she just say "BONING the turkey?" and there was laughter (Beevis & Butthead went through my head).  Then I corrected my verb to de-boning.  Gotta laugh at that one.

- Then after somebody passed somebody the rolls and butter, there was some sort of comment, then SOMEBODY said "well don't ask me to butter your biscuit anymore!"  There was a pause, and then laughter.  Gotta laugh at that one too.

-  We had the last minute digging for dishes that were in the "don't-look-in-here" cabinets.  The cabinets where you use your foot to hold the stuff in so you can slam the door.  Ya'll may not have any of those.  All of mine are that way.

-  We did the appropriate amount of Sarah Palin bashing.  We talked about what we would do if she ever became president.  Turns out we would all move to another country.

-  We had the debate about whether they are yams or sweet potatoes.

-  We had the debate about cornbread dressing versus white bread dressing.

-  We trashed family members who weren't there.

-  I said "dark meat" too many times, apparently.

-  I'm sure I said will you grab me another beer too many times.  DAUGHTER started the drinking, however, by cracking open the Merlot at 1:00, so it was open season from then on.

-  Pancho managed to get outside (he's a pampered, indoor cat).  We don't know how long he was out there but somebody heard him at the back door.  DAUGHTER opened the door and he trotted his big self right back inside.  He looked at me, and I'm sure I heard him say holy shit mom it's cold out there.  He planted himself in the middle of the bed and stayed there for three hours.  Then, overnight, he threw up all the grass he ate while he was outside.  It looked pretty much just like it did before he ate it.

-  And I took great pictures.  Here's what most of them look like:

There are others just like these.  We did manage to get a few group photos. I told everyone there could be NO cigarettes/cigars-by-the-fire-break until we got some damn pictures. And thanks to DAUGHTERSGREATFRIENDN we got a few family pictures, too.  I promised not to post them online.  I didn't promise to send them as Christmas cards.

Daughter and I were talking late that night, and I asked her if she thought  DAUGHTERSGREATFRIENDN had a good time.  She said oh I think he did.  She said she had already told him that we were a strange family so he was prepared.  I said really?  We're strange?  She said well, yeah, but that's a good thing.

I thought a lot about that.  I guess if I had to choose between being described as "my family is so normal", and "my family's sort of strange", I'd choose strange.

It was a really great day!

LOVE THOSE MAMMOGRAMS!

I had my yearly MAMMO scheduled for this past March.  Turned out it was during Spring Break.  I cancelled it.

When I told my doctor a few weeks ago that, no, I hadn't had my yearly MAMMO,  she said, WHYTHEHELLNOT?

So, I scheduled the MAMMO immediately, feeling like I had failed my doctor's expectations of me.  That she would no longer want me for a patient if I couldn't follow her instructions.  She's been my doctor for 18 years, and she knows that I know I should have obeyed.

I was able to get an appointment quickly, and I showed up 5 hours early to make sure I made my doctor proud.

All went well, or so I thought.  I exposed myself as requested.  I didn't fuss or complain when the technician said I'm just going to flatten this baby a little bit more, you might feel a little discomfort.  And when I was told DON'T BREATHE.  I did NOT breathe.  Who would?

Then, five days later, I get the "call back", saying that there was "just a little something they needed to look at", and I was to go to another, super-duper, MAMMO place to have it done.  And I was to go THAT day, and they had already scheduled my appointment.  I think I just said, Huh?

DAUGHTER went with me, for fun, and in case they asked if I had an adult with me.  Yes I did.

"They", the super-duper MAMMO people, were very, very nice.  They talked in soft voices, said thank-you-so-much a lot, and told me what to take off and what to put on.  And they made sure that I knew how the little pink flowered cape was supposed to work (it opens in the front!). Then, I had another, different, sort of  MAMMO, in a dimly lit room.  Again, I was told to face this way, look this way, suck this in, flop this here, move this there, tilt your chin up, move your shoulder here, hold on to this, smile, and DON'T BREATHE.  Got it.

After that, I was escorted to a "holding pen" with light blue walls and Dr. Phil playing on the flat-screen.  Other women in my same state of amusement, stress, frustration were there.  And as my friend, B, pointed out, WHY is it that some women feel compelled to talk to everyone else in the little "holding pen".  Do we really have anything to say to each other at that point?  We're all naked under our little pink flowered capes.  We all have our clothes with us, waiting for "the word".

However, some women had put their clothes on hangers, I noticed.  I just wadded mine up in a ball and used them as a prop for my book.  Considering where I was, I wasn't too worried about wrinkles, plus they provided coverage for any little gaps in my little pink flowered cape.  A 700 year old woman sitting beside me reminded me that there were hangers available.  I just smiled and said thanks but I thought it was too late.

So after about six more hours, one of the soft-speaking people called me out of the "holding pen" and told me that, once again, "there was just a little something they needed to look at", and that someone would come get me soon for a sonogram.  Annnnndddddd, another soft-speaker, LIM came to get me, told me to grab my wadded up ball of clothes and follow her.  And I did.  She asked me how I was doing as we walked.  I said, oh just fine thanks.

This time, I got to lay down.  And I exposed myself again, only one breast this time.  LIM asked me if I was cold.  I said yes can I cover back up?  She thought that was really funny.  She squirted way too much ice-cold sonogram gel on my one exposed breast, said oops, and asked if it had gotten on my face.  Trying not to complain, I said oh that's ok, I'll just rub it in.

During, the fifteen minutes of her moving the magic wand around on my cold, now gooey, naked boob, she kept making "hum" sounds.  I finally asked LIM if something was going on.  She said well I need to get somebody else to help.  SERIOUSLY.  THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.  So she opened the door and shouted into the hallway, HEY DEBRA, CAN YOU COME IN HERE AND LOOK AT THIS?

I assumed DEBRA was called in to look at some strange deformity or growth on my cold, exposed breast.  I wondered how I had missed it.  I finally asked LIM and DEBRA to fill me in please.  They thought that was funny too.  Debra, apparently, was called in to look at some computer glitch that had been causing problems all day.  LIM could have told me that ahead of time, don't you think?

I was eventually told that nothing was cause for IMMEDIATE concern and my doctor would receive the reports and contact me.  And I got the all-clear-go-ahead-and-get-dressed-in-your-wadded-up-wrinkled-clothes directive.

It was the strangest experience, and I've had a few strange experiences.  I was glad I had a broad, warped sense of humor.

So, sisters, get your MAMMO!  You might have just as much fun!

PICTURE DAY. . .

. . . and the female "comb-over"..............

I don't think I need to say more.

I found this in a box of old pictures tonight, and she's a family member.  The picture is from the 20's.  That's all I'm sayin'.

I really needed a laugh today.  And this provided the laugh!

Hope it does the same for you.

FUUUUNNNNN SATURDAY SHOPPING!

It was the most perfect day in Austin today.  No rain, no clouds, no wind, chilly night, PERFECT afternoon, with the high in the low 70's.  BEAUTIFUL weather.  And lots of entertaining events going on this weekend.

So while DAUGHTER and friends were at the FUN FUN FUN FEST on this perfect Austin day, I had my own fun.  Just let me tell you about it........

I spent THREE AND A HALF HOURS shopping for two things.

A new trash can for the kitchen.

And a new litter box for Pancho & Luci.

Does it get more fun than that?

And I spent three and a half hours because there are way too many options out there for both of these items.  I pretty much knew what I needed both things to do.  And I needed them to do it well!  WAY better than their predecessors.

Luci.....

.....has decided that she likes whatever we put in the kitchen trash can, and especially if it's mixed with coffee grounds.  I wish I had a picture.  HUSBAND usually cleans it up before I get there, trying to avoid yet more tears from me!  We don't have a cabinet that it fits in, so it has resided just fine in front of our dishwasher for a very long time.  It's foot-friendly when we need to scoot it over.  Luci has recently found the fun inside the can!

So here's what I got today.......

Ha!!!!  Get into THAT, Luci!  Sad thing is, I'm really not sure that she can't.  

And the litter box......

Well, Pancho, sweet Pancho......

...has decided that he no longer wants to go INTO the covered toilet, and that it's just easier to go on the rug right outside the door.  The rug is supposed to be for them to wipe their feet on!  I thought that was understood.  Really.

So here is what we had......

And here's what I took out a bank loan for today - the downtown, upgraded, high-end condo of litter boxes.

And I knocked out a wall this afternoon so it would fit where it needs to go!

I haven't yet put either one of these into operation.   I think I'll wait until tomorrow.
It was exhausting.  I'm glad I didn't need to shop for a new broom too.