INTROSPECTION

I'm pretty sure all of my friends are of the introspective type, but I hadn't recently given that word much thought.  Or wondered if I "was" or not.  I think that most people can spend about a minute and a half with me and realize that woe she's got shit goin' on.

So, when a friend/co-worker/person-I-respect suggested to me yesterday that I WAS one of those "introspective" people, I, of course went way off and started to think about it.  Then I remembered these pictures Daughter sent me a couple of weeks ago, and they instantly took on a new meaning to me.

Daughter, like me, always has her camera with her.  Our house is filled with her photographs.  She has a good eye.

Well, let me correct here, she always has her camera with her EXCEPT when I say oh I'm so glad you had your camera and got a picture of that.  On those occasions she says oh mom I don't know why but I didn't have my camera with me.

BUT, she takes some amazing pictures of life wherever she has traveled.  I was able to live for 6 months in Barcelona, ONLY by her pictures.  There were 1,437 of them, and I felt like I had taken the trip.

These pictures are just of Austin, of people.  Things happening.  People going through their own process of dealing with their daily lives.

One thing both Husband and I are proud we were able to give to Son and Daughter is the experience of having Austin as a home base.  Husband and I grew up in a small, central Texas town.  We both knew, even at 19, that we didn't want that for the rest of our lives. We left.  Austin has been home since.

So, I liked these pictures because they represented "introspection" in the person behind the camera, and in me looking at them.  The pictures are of people doing normal things, gentle things.  Not pictures of shoes in a store window, or someone in a fight outside a bar.  Just life in a city where you don't have to worry about what or who you are.  You can go out and just BE.

Here's Urban Dictionary's definition of "Introspection".  (I love Urban Dictionary!)

"the process of looking into all or many facets of ones self at the same time or over a short period of time. Much like looking at a disco-ball up close."

AND, here's a quote I wrote down recently, although I didn't write down where it came from.  Hum, not like me!  But I like the quote......
"I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates, just in case I should figure it out."


Oh, and here's another sort of related quote, so I can end this on a humorous note......
"If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." (from Bill Maher)

STRESS

This guy lives in my backyard and has for years.  I named him King when I bought him from a side-of-the-highway shop years ago.  My brother was battling brain cancer at the time, so we were on the road a lot.  Husband and I stopped at the shop, wanting to delay our destination a bit, I think.  King called to me!!  Husband said I think we should get him.  We got him.

I look at him almost every night and he represents a lot of things to me.  Right now he represents stress to me.  But he also represents perseverance, and a "dig-your-heels-in" sort of dignity.  I like that.

I have a job that knows what stress is.  I have a LIFE that knows what stress is, big time.

I have never met a person that said their life was completely stress-free.

To me, just getting up in the morning means there is going to be some sort of stress in life.

Deciding which car should go first at a four-way stop means there is stress in day-to-day life.

Being asked by a 16 year old if you have your "own bags" or if you need "store bags" is stress.

Being asked by a clerk in the alcohol section of the grocery store if you need help is stress.  No.

An email that says URGENT in the subject line is beyond stress.  To me, that's what the delete key was put there for.  Just NEVER need to read that one.

Lately my work friends (and ME) have been under enormous stress.  The end of a school year brings out the BEAST in anyone who works in a school environment.  Students, parents, field trips, grades, dances, concerts, videos, movies, tests, hormones, due dates, cleavage or lack thereof, buses, dress code, emails, facebook, boys wearing bras, etc., etc., etc.

Overwhelming.

Here's the definition of stress from DICTIONARY.COM:

1.  a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism (make sure you read that last word correctly!).
OR
2.  physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

AND, here's the definition of stress from URBAN DICTIONARY (www.urbandictionary.com):

1.  An unpleasant by-product of life in modern society
OR
2.  The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body's natural desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.

There it is.  You pick which one you like.  I know which one I choose!

Whatever.  Stress sucks.

"BIRDS ON A WIRE" or "INSERT YOUR OWN LIFE STORY HERE"

I have a new camera that I LOVE LOVE LOVE.  A gift from a couple of people I love and who love me back.  It's my dream camera.  Complicated, but not too complicated.  Lots of things to play with, but not so many that it makes my head spin.

I was the editor of my high school yearbook, by the way, for my junior year, AND, the all-important senior year.  Yes. I. Was!  I was THAT sort of student - in school at least.  They just didn't know what else I was doin' when I WASN'T in school!  If they had, I would NOT have been editor of my high school yearbook.

ANYWAY.........  (I'm also sure I suffer from ADD, can you tell?)  So, I'm still trying to learn my camera.  I sat outside one night last week when a storm was coming in, wanting to practice taking low light pictures, fast-moving clouds, and hopefully, lightening.

Well, I got totally involved in watching a pair of doves on the far-away electrical wires.  (Did I mention the ADD thing?)  And it only takes one little suggestion of something to transport me to a whole different dimension.

So, I wrote my own dialog for these two doves.  Knowing that they mate for life, I was sure it was a male and female.  I didn't get too close, but I'm pretty sure that the dove on the LEFT is the female.  Just by the attitude.  I'm pretty sure.  Here's my story.......

She's saying nice night and it's your turn to do dinner.  He's saying I don't think so but yes it is a nice night.

She's saying don't talk to me then.  (She's on the left remember.)  He's saying well I'm just sayin' I don't think it's my turn.

She's thinking she sees a bluejay over there who has potential and he's thinking I'll puff out my chest because that's what we guys do.

Then she says oh just get over yourself and GET AWAY FROM ME and go find dinner.  And he says did you not hear me the first time when I said I'm not doin' dinner, but I'll move over.  Here, how's this for ya!?

Is THIS far enough?

And she says yes it is.  It's just perfect.

THE END.

I think there might have been torrential rains, thunder, hail, and, for sure, lightening while I was doing this but I didn't notice because I was watching the birds.  Again, did I mention the ADD thing.

My life is pretty interesting.  What a fun hour.

And keep in mind, you just read this, so your life is pretty interesting too, I see.

APPETIZERS

You know how when you meet people for lunch or dinner or happy hour and you just can't wait to get something to chew on.  Wow, what a great feeling that is ..... nachos, wings, chips & salsa, some tylenol, a tequila soaked lime?

Well, here is Luci's version.... A mosquito hawk.... aka a crane fly.

You know these things....
They look like GIANT mosquitoes. 
They struggle to beat you in the door when you open it. 
They're BIG. 
They're good animals, if you could just get them out of your way.
They actually EAT the REAL mosquitoes. 
They're annoying when they do actually get into your house.
You know the animal I'm talking about.

Luci LOVES LOVES LOVES them.  This animal is her chips & salsa!  They have replaced pipe cleaners right now (seasonal of curse).....basically because they are large enough to be a contender.  She can wrestle with them.  They're a challenge.  She can jump, knock things off things.  They require her to be in good shape.  And she says they taste good.

Here was the battle tonight, caught in action.  (PLEASE don't notice the rug.  It's actually a very nice rug although here it looks like something that should have been donated to a refrigerator box a long time ago.  And yes, I haven't vacuumed in a while - trying to find the vacuum cleaner - BUT this is about the mosquito hawk).

Here's Luci presenting the animal to me......  Just noooottttt quite trusting that I won't take it away from her.

And here it IS.  Here it is.  Look at it.  I brought it in to show you before I eat it.  Look at it.

LOOK.  AT.  IT!!

But, gee, it looks smaller now and why isn't it moving.  I like it when it moves.  And flies.

Well, whatever, it tastes really good.

Yum. 

Nap time.

SNAKE IN THE GARAGE

Yes, that says it all.

Husband watched bluejays chase a 4 - 5 foot rat snake into our garage tonight.  It never came out.  Sorry, but WTF !!!  Husband said it was a rat snake.  I'm trusting him on that.

So, since that's where our washer and dryer are, I'm not doing laundry again until SOMEBODY TELLS ME IT'S OUT!

I wish I had pictures.  I found out, through Google, of course, that rat snakes can jump (or propel themselves. . . REALLY?!) and bite. But they aren't poisonous.  Like that would matter to me.  If it jumps at me and bites me, I couldn't care less if it's poisonous.

Again, my life is just so interesting.

MY DOG

I don't have one.  A dog, that is.  Pancho is my dog.  He's been in our lives for 10 1/2 years.  He is the best pet we ever adopted. And we've had a few!  He was found behind a gas station by a co-worker's daughter.  I declined the offer of adoption in May of that year.  THEN, I met him again a few months later in August, after he had his name and his personality, and we bonded instantly.  His foster mom had taken excellent care of him!

For 10 years, he has been our faithful, sees-all, likes-the-litterbox-spotless, has-too-much-fur, companion, diabetes and all.  He sits, patiently, every morning and evening, for his insulin injections.  Never complains.  Amazing.

Over the past year our family has had, and continues to have, some stuff to deal with.  Pancho, however, has been the thing that loves ME every single day,  no matter what.  Gives me a wet nose to the cheek, a furry ass in the face, sleeps in every place that keeps me from turning over at night.  He loves me and knows that he needs to stay close, always.

He also likes to sleep on the ottoman next to Husband's chair.  Pancho keeps an eye on everything.

I'm able to work a lot from home right now, thanks to my supportive "bosses".  Pancho knows I need support also.  This is his usual position when he hears me crank up the laptop and get into "work" mode.

I've said it before.  There's just something in this animal.  He has some inner "stuff" that was meant for us.  There's an old soul behind those eyes.  He melts my heart.  I know that he was given to us at the right time in our lives, maybe to help us through what we were going to be going though down the road.

He makes such a difference in our lives.

I get a tear in my eyes every time I read over this.  Sorry to be sappy.

I don't know how anyone lives without pets.  I know we couldn't.

BOOK STORAGE

I'm a book addict.  Husband and I both are.  I fear that Son and Daughter are as well.

When Husband and I first moved to Austin, a billion years ago, the place we most loved to go, for a cheap Sunday afternoon,  was Half Priced Books.  OH, MY, GOD!  We bought books we had read previously but never kept.  We bought books we WANTED to read but hadn't yet.  We bought books with titles that were interesting or funny just to put on our bookshelves.

Here are our shelves, NOW, a billion years later, in our "office" (I'm laughing at the word "office"!).  And, yes, it's as messy as it looks.

And here are the books on the shelf above our bed.  If there was a simple thunderstorm, these would fall off and kill us.  We would be buried under novels.  Not even Pulitzer material, just novels.

We just don't have anywhere else to put them. (And, NO we/I can't get rid of them!)

Then there's this book storage in the bedroom also, (and I only lit the candle tonight because I was hoping it might help kill the litter box odor).

Then there are other places that I try to "stash" books....

And here's another basket 'o books.  Notice that there is a Bible there, though, so that says it all about that!!

At least I know where it is when/if I need it.  Although I'm not sure I knew where it was until I got obsessed about our book OBSESSION and started taking pictures.  Jeez, sorry, but maybe I did ............  I think the Bible is a good book, by the way.  Seriously, a good book.  Just not my favorite.

And then there's the living room book-storage plan......  I'll throw a few under some lamps and stuff....

And here are some books from Daughter's college days, and some of them are "to be read" for sure, for ME that is.  (On a side-bar here, though, every woman should read the book "Cunt".  BAD name.  Great book. Not something you want to take to a teacher conference though!)

Then here are my cookbooks.  Just sad.  Says it all, again.  I like that they are buried behind shot glasses, candles and small bottles of tequila though.  Shows my priorities.

What I'm trying to say is that we have TOO many books.  I've been weeding-out over the past year, for many reasons.  I can get rid of lots of stuff ahead of books.  I can "goodwill" shoes, clothes, antique furniture, prescription drugs,....  Can't seem to get rid of books.  

I guess mainly because they all represent something in my life.  A good memory.  A good night's sleep.  A good argument.  A REALLY good argument, if you know what I mean!!   A good ????  Whatever.  I don't like to get rid of books.  There.  That's said.

Books are important.  Reading is important.  I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

There's a small, empty spot on the bottom of our office bookshelves though.  We could fill it with books!!  An empty spot, right??

This spot is Pancho's.  He likes it.  It will never be filled with anything but Pancho.

Books will have to go somewhere else.

CRACK BABY

As you know, I've adopted Daughter's cat, Luci.  She was found abandoned by Daughter's friends during her last year of college. She was taken to the shelter.  Daughter had fallen in love,  however, and couldn't let her stay there, hence, I, ME, MOM, now have Luci.  And I LOVE her, but...

We know that Luci is a crack baby.  We know that her mom must have been addicted to lead paint, Illinois prairie grass, WalMart dumpsters, something.  So Luci has some baggage.  Luci is hyper, beyond hyper.  Luci looks like this picture 75% of her day.  The other 25% she's asleep, thank god.

Her addictions are:

pipe cleaners (yes I support this addiction at times because it's just so fun to watch her gymnastics with them).

Pancho walking (because it's so rare for Pancho to be awake, so Luci thinks it's playtime anytime Pancho is moving from Point A to Point B).

TONIGHT , THERE IS A FLY IN THE HOUSE.  It's a big, kamikaze fly.  The kind that buzz loudly and bang into the windows, and your forehead. 

Luci is beyond gone!  I now have two bandaides on my hand to prove it.  The picture above  is from tonight! She's not going to be able to rest until she HAS the fly.  Nothing in the house is safe.  She will do whatever she has to do to GET the fly.  She's had it in her paws at least 3 times so she knows the feel.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get it either.

It'll be a long night.